Sometimes I just need to vent

-

I am so frustrated. All I have in regards to my adoption is my Decree of Adoption. With that, I know where my adoption was finalized, and my name. A name that most likely came from the an orphanage or the hospital.

As and international Adoptee from India, I don't really know if I have an original birth certificate. I do know there's a Certificate of Abandonment and Relinquishment.

My, what fantastic and magnificent words to use for a person. I am certified abandoned. Certified relinquished.

At any rate, before trying to appeal to the courts in Texas for whatever paperwork they have, I decided to try immigration first.

The first time I did it, I used the USCIS website and via the Freedom of Information Act, I requested my "A" file. Otherwise known as Alien File. I already don't feel like I belong anywhere, and aside from being abandoned and relinquished by my country of origin, I'm also an alien to the country I was adopted into.

When I finally got a reply, they claimed they didn't have anything. Not only was that concerning, it was hugely disappointing.

This year I was able to speak with the lawyer that runs Adoptee Rights Law, and he said he'd be able to assist with this predicament. From his legal experience, he let me know that the US Citizenship and Immigration Services usually responds on the first attempt that they don't have anything. He then let me know that he could file the request for me, and possibly push them to search with more effort.

So once again, with his help, we put in the paperwork. This time we also requested information pertaining to how I was able to obtain a passport. They responded again that they had nothing in regards to the "A" file within a couple days. We knew this would happen, and so he pushed them again to search.

Three days ago, almost a month after, he emailed and said he struck out again. He wasn't jumping to any conclusions yet, and let me know we still have the request for how I was able to get a passport. But my mind was just going all over the place.

It is both frustrating, and concerning. As an adoptee that was brought to this country via immigration, how is it possible that they can't find anything?!

If they really don't have anything, who knows what path that is going to lead me down.

Ultimately, all I want is to know where I come from. Who was I before adoption took me away and lied to me. Why is this so hard?

Logically I know, and understand that I do belong somewhere and to someone. But emotionally, because I'm not able to see this with my own two eyes, it's like I don't exist. Even if it's just a piece of paper with my information on it. Which if nothing else, if it just leaves me to a photograph of what my biological mother and father look like. Is that too much to ask for?!

I just want some truth after living for 34 years in a lie. 

Our next step is to petition the Texas court. And this is the one that worries me most as it is completely up to the Judge to release my paperwork.

I'm angry. I am angry that the adopters couldn't even be bothered to give me my paperwork. They lied to my face and claimed they don't remember where it is.

All this shit because they lied.

Popular posts from this blog

Not Applicable

-
Image
I've been away from social media for a while now. Even blogging. Last year I took a break from a lot of it. And as 2023 slowly rolled in, I still took my time. There was just too much going on. Trying to be present and in the moment while still balancing all the emotions. In 2021, I was working with a lawyer on getting any paperwork via FOIA request from US Custom and Border Protection, and the Department of State. USCIS turned up empty. On May 4th of this year, after nearly 3 years of when I initially started all this, DOS responded and they had nothing on file for me, aside from one passport application from 2002. I suddenly found myself in a position where my citizenship status in this country was unknown. I wondered if my adoption was done correctly. And I was even advised not to vote. Anxiety. Stress. Worry. Would I be deported? Could I be? What about my job? So many unknowns. And anger. All this because what? Two people adopted me and then lied. And proceeded to lie still, an
Read more

Performance Review

-
 I read this today on Reddit. "It's your parent's job to raise you. Your adult relationship with them is their performance review." * Father's day is coming up (this Sunday). I've been thinking a lot about it. Not just from the context of being a father, but also as a person who doesn't know their father. I was raised by strangers. By people who made the conscious decision to lie to the children in their care. By definition, they were people who parented. As a late discovery adoptee, it's difficult to see them as parents. The lying and deception make it feel that way. Whatever the case, my adopters raised me. And while that technically makes them parents, they had a job to do, and they did not do it well. My adoptive father never wanted children for starters. The day he told us this, is a memory that lives clearly in my mind. It was about 14 years ago. I was 23. Sitting at the dinner table in a Texas apartment that we once lived in. Just knowing that e
Read more

To Tell or Not To Tell

-
 Every now and then I get asked the question. “Hey Kris, I know someone that’s adopted, but they don’t know it. Should I tell them?” This is a question that I have given a lot of thought to over the last few years. And what I’ve realized is that it’s not a matter of IF you should tell them, it’s WHEN and HOW. I firmly believe that everyone deserves to know their truth. It is, without a doubt, abusive when a “parent” lies to their ward leading them to believe that they are their biological parents. So what then? Honestly, you really just have two choices. You either don’t tell them and let things run their course, or you do tell them. Just know that sooner or later, somehow or the other, they will find out. There is no good way to go about it. Whether or not you tell them the truth, there is absolutely no way in which this experience won’t be traumatic. This is an upending, identity-shattering mindfuck. When I think about my experience as an LDA, it infuriates me at times to think about
Read more