Indian Late Discovery Adoptee

My birthday was last week. It's still a little difficult to feign happiness on that day. And I still have it hidden on most social media sites that I use in order to just avoid it. It was only the second birthday with the knowledge that I am adopted. I can't stop from thinking that this would have been the 36th one that my birth mother has gone through with the knowledge of being separated from me. This past year, it feels like I keep fluctuating between just feelings of frustration, and straight up anger. So, I started to write my thoughts that night, and here's something I wrote and shared on Instagram : I got a papercut sometime ago. And it was annoying. Although I was hurt , I wasn't hurt by it. It just happened, and the pain was sharp. Every now and then I would accidently aggravate it and the pain would come back. I started to think about hurt vs pain. Hurt is an unpleasant sensation. To me it has more of an emotional and psychological connotation. Pain is just an...

I write a lot. Not all of it gets put out there for everyone to read, but occasionally I'll write a comment and someone will reply saying they would love to hear more about my take on it. One such comment was regarding the Fog. When I first started to read about adoption and figure out what I was experiencing, I learned of the phrase “Coming out of the fog”. It is a metaphor used to describe coming to terms with feelings and realizations in regards to adoption. Another adoptee I follow on Instagram posted a graphic that read, “For many, “the fog” is a survival tool.” And I commented on it, saying, “Coming in from my LDA POV. I feel like there's more than just one "fog". Couldn't tell you how many, or what they'd be called, it just feels like in a way, each trauma has its own "fog" that I'm dealing with.” For quite some time now I have been trying to write about the Fog. I just didn’t know how or where to start. Seeing that post, and commenting on...

I recently came across a Facebook post in one of the adoptee support groups I'm that read "I'm reminded that I'm Adopted everyday that ends in Y". I can't remember the exact comment below, but someone had commented saying why is that so bad, and that they felt there was honor in adoption. There seems to be a lot of this going on in a few of these supports groups that I am in. Someone shares something bad or negative, and an adoptee with a good experience counters and makes a generalized statement telling everyone that adoption is a good thing because it was good for them. When I write my story, my experience, and my thoughts, I do my best to only write mine. I'm the expert in my story. And that's it. I'm doing my best to learn everyday to have better insight, and perspective.  I commented on the post as well, and here is what I did write: I acknowledge that not everyone has had a bad experience. But to use that to tell me that adoption is a good th...

I am tired of being angry. In a recent tweet, I shared the following: But I guess it's fair to say that there are moments that I am still angry. I don't think it helps that this is my birthday month. To me, it feels like the month that nobody cared that I came into this world. There were no celebrations that I'm aware of. It's the month that I was separated from my mother, and I don't have the faintest idea why. It's the month that someone else took me and lied to me from that moment onward about who I really am. Today, there are people in my life today that care about it. But the fact remains, on the actual day of my birth, I have no idea if anybody did. This will be the second birthday I live through with the knowledge that I am adopted. It will be the second birthday that I actually have a conscious thought about my mother and father. I didn't choose to be adopted. I didn't even choose to be born. And I most definitely didn't choose to forget my m...