Another night, another set of thoughts
My heart is heavy today. Here are some thoughts:
Everyone affected by adoption is holding trauma.
And anger.
How you process the damage that was done to you is entirely your business. What you did to survive what you lived through should not be judged by others.
How I survived is simply that. It's how I survived.
Not all of us handle trauma/grief the same way.
At the same time, it has taken me a while to understand that how I heal also affects those around me. There's that quote, "If you never heal from what hurt you, you’ll bleed on people who didn’t cut you."
And I'm just trying to heal from what I survived through.
I for one am angry about my experience. About my adoption experience. About my late discovery experience.
It was, and is, filled with pain. I will do what I need to do to survive. And to heal. Within reason. Because I don't want to bleed on anyone else along the way.
How I choose to deal with those who "cut me" is 100% up to me. I will set boundaries however I need to, and write my story. I don't have to forgive them, I don't have to let them in. And nobody should judge for that either.
In the last few days, I have seen others judge other people for how they express their rage against their abusers. It shouldn't be that way.
And that's just how I feel about it. It's my opinion.
Speaking of, my opinion will change as my perspective changes.
We're all entitled to our opinions, but that doesn't make them valid. But it's okay to change what or how you once thought.
Changing your opinion means you're growing. That old thought you once had might be wrong, but that doesn't inherently make you wrong as a person.
That's all for now.
