Monachopsis

𝙢𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙥𝙨𝙞𝙨

𝘯. 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘣𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦, 𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘢𝘥𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘰𝘯 𝘢 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩—𝘭𝘶𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘤𝘭𝘶𝘮𝘴𝘺, 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥, 𝘩𝘶𝘥𝘥𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘧𝘪𝘵𝘴, 𝘶𝘯𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘨𝘯𝘪𝘻𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘮𝘣𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘳𝘰𝘢𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘵, 𝘪𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘧𝘭𝘶𝘪𝘥𝘭𝘺, 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺, 𝘦𝘧𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦.

Source: Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows


Two years ago on this day, June 8th, I received the results of a DNA test that would confirm a doubt I always had, just never fully confronted.

As I've written before, on that day, two of my families died. The one that raised me turned out to be a sham, and the one that did not remains an enigma.

A few days ago, I came across this word, monachopsis. It is a made-up word whose definition resonated with me. For 34 years, I lived in monachopsis.

For 34 years, I knew I did not fit in with the family I was raised in. The family I was told I belonged to. And every day that "persistent feeling of being out of place" has followed me.

Eleven of those years, I lived in India. For eleven years, I walked past a countless number of people.
Of all those people, who among them could I have been related to?
Of all the places I went to while living there, how many of those could have been my "intended habitat"?
Of all the roads travelled, which one of those could have taken me to where I would be "effortlessly at home"?

It's one thing to feel out of place, but it's entirely different to feel it, and fail to recognize why. To be constantly gaslit into believing that there was nothing out of place.

And two years ago I finally found out why. The evidence was so clear, it could no longer be ignored.

Being lied to about who you are is an egregious deception, and grossly manipulative.
It is a trauma that I am still processing. It is layers upon layers of hidden wounds that I subconsciously locked away in order to survive.

Today I can accept that I was adopted, and not be okay with it at the same time. I don't know why I was relinquished, but I can find some way to be okay with not knowing. One day I'll learn the truth, and it'll just be another layer that I need to process.
At this moment, it seems like I will forever be furiously pissed off with my adoption and how it played out.
And I'm tired. I'm tired of being angry. I'm tired of being sad. I'm tired of this grief. This persistent pain of what adoption has done to me.

Anger is a funny thing though. There are days where I'm angry because I'm angry.
At the same time, anger is also what has kept me safe this last year. It has helped me realize the things I needed to do to protect myself. To not let myself be manipulated anymore. To set boundaries and keep them. It reminds me to keep moving forward and not let old ways creep up. Really just to stay out of the fog. Not just the adoptee fog, but the emotional and manipulative fog of a toxic environment created by my adopters.
If there's something to be grateful for, it is my anger. And I will let it fuel my sanity for as long as I need it to.

𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦.
- 𝘈𝘯𝘨 𝘓𝘦𝘦

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