Sharing my new reality
Writing up my first blog post about being adopted has been tough. Not just trying to find the words to put down, but because I wasn't sure how to open myself for everyone to see.
This is a path that I knew once I go down, there is no going back. There's no off switch for what is shared. But I wanted, and needed to do this for myself.
My first post is as raw as I can make it. I do hope that by showing my vulnerability, it might help someone else. Because, you can be strong in your vulnerability.
Well, I started this all off with a simple Facebook post to the people that know me. It read:
"Well, it turns out I'm adopted. The past three and a half months has been extremely difficult. I'm typically not one to share the stressful moments of my life on here, but I've decided to share this with everyone that I know.
I recently listened to a podcast about adoption called "Born in April Raised in June" by April Dinwoodie. In it she speaks with Darryl McDaniels of RunDMC. Here's something he said, "I can use my story not only to make my life better, but I can help so many other people who are in the same situation as me to understand their lives better." He too was adopted and found out late in life (at 35).
What he said stuck out to me. Since discovering my adoption, I have learned of other late discovery adoptees in situations similar to mine. And for all of us, this new late discovery about our lives is difficult. By reading their stories and thoughts, it has helped me immensely. So. hopefully by sharing my story, it may be able to help not only myself, but someone else.
If you're curious to know more or have any questions, feel free to reach out to me, and just send me a message on Facebook Messenger."
I then shared a link to this blog to those that did message me.
The support I've received has been positive. But I do want to just share my experience here about the support I've been getting. And for this, I'm writing to any other late discovery adoptees that reads this.
There's been pretty much two kinds of responses. The ones that are fully supportive and just want to be there for anything I need. And the ones that say, "Well, they are still your parents."
While I do understand the sentiment, and I know that they are just trying to help, the problem with that statement is quite simple. For someone who has been lied to everyday, and has no idea that they were adopted, once you find out, and the truth does come out... Those "parents" suddenly just become the people that raised you. Because for every day of your life, they lied and misled you to believe that you are something you are not. And it hurts. Well, at least that is how it has felt for me.
I want to share this article, "When Adults Discover They Were Adopted: The Ultimate Betrayal / Life Hi-Jacked" by Mirah Riben. She does a much better job at explaining the pain that can come with this new discovery: https://medium.com/@mirahmirah/when-adults-discover-they-were-adopted-be60c4a242ad
In fact, it was one of the first articles I read after I found out. And it helped me immensely. It helped me find the words to explain how I was feeling. And that is the hardest part. Trying to uncover the new set of emotions that one goes through as a late discovery adoptee.
I hope that as I continue to write here in this blog, that yes it helps me. It'll help me process what I'm going through. And in doing so, help another.
To the people I grew up with, and you know who you are, if there's anything you wish to ask me, please feel free to reach out. I ask that you respect my "family" as I know they too are processing all this. I'm sure my parents never thought that this would be how the truth came out. That one day all you had to do was walk into a Target, buy a kit, send in your spit, and find the truth. And I'm sure the family members and friends who did know, may have thought this never would have come out. As for my parents, they did apologize for not telling me I was adopted. That is a step in the right direction. But there is still a lot of work to be done.
On another note, a part me decided to write and share this because, holy shit, it's exhausting having to share this story over and over again. And as much as I do want to, it's just easier to write it up and have you guys read it yourselves. That being said, thank you for reading and following me on this crazy journey that is my life.
This is a path that I knew once I go down, there is no going back. There's no off switch for what is shared. But I wanted, and needed to do this for myself.
My first post is as raw as I can make it. I do hope that by showing my vulnerability, it might help someone else. Because, you can be strong in your vulnerability.
Well, I started this all off with a simple Facebook post to the people that know me. It read:
"Well, it turns out I'm adopted. The past three and a half months has been extremely difficult. I'm typically not one to share the stressful moments of my life on here, but I've decided to share this with everyone that I know.
I recently listened to a podcast about adoption called "Born in April Raised in June" by April Dinwoodie. In it she speaks with Darryl McDaniels of RunDMC. Here's something he said, "I can use my story not only to make my life better, but I can help so many other people who are in the same situation as me to understand their lives better." He too was adopted and found out late in life (at 35).
What he said stuck out to me. Since discovering my adoption, I have learned of other late discovery adoptees in situations similar to mine. And for all of us, this new late discovery about our lives is difficult. By reading their stories and thoughts, it has helped me immensely. So. hopefully by sharing my story, it may be able to help not only myself, but someone else.
If you're curious to know more or have any questions, feel free to reach out to me, and just send me a message on Facebook Messenger."
I then shared a link to this blog to those that did message me.
The support I've received has been positive. But I do want to just share my experience here about the support I've been getting. And for this, I'm writing to any other late discovery adoptees that reads this.
There's been pretty much two kinds of responses. The ones that are fully supportive and just want to be there for anything I need. And the ones that say, "Well, they are still your parents."
While I do understand the sentiment, and I know that they are just trying to help, the problem with that statement is quite simple. For someone who has been lied to everyday, and has no idea that they were adopted, once you find out, and the truth does come out... Those "parents" suddenly just become the people that raised you. Because for every day of your life, they lied and misled you to believe that you are something you are not. And it hurts. Well, at least that is how it has felt for me.
I want to share this article, "When Adults Discover They Were Adopted: The Ultimate Betrayal / Life Hi-Jacked" by Mirah Riben. She does a much better job at explaining the pain that can come with this new discovery: https://medium.com/@mirahmirah/when-adults-discover-they-were-adopted-be60c4a242ad
In fact, it was one of the first articles I read after I found out. And it helped me immensely. It helped me find the words to explain how I was feeling. And that is the hardest part. Trying to uncover the new set of emotions that one goes through as a late discovery adoptee.
I hope that as I continue to write here in this blog, that yes it helps me. It'll help me process what I'm going through. And in doing so, help another.
To the people I grew up with, and you know who you are, if there's anything you wish to ask me, please feel free to reach out. I ask that you respect my "family" as I know they too are processing all this. I'm sure my parents never thought that this would be how the truth came out. That one day all you had to do was walk into a Target, buy a kit, send in your spit, and find the truth. And I'm sure the family members and friends who did know, may have thought this never would have come out. As for my parents, they did apologize for not telling me I was adopted. That is a step in the right direction. But there is still a lot of work to be done.
On another note, a part me decided to write and share this because, holy shit, it's exhausting having to share this story over and over again. And as much as I do want to, it's just easier to write it up and have you guys read it yourselves. That being said, thank you for reading and following me on this crazy journey that is my life.
